AssMatrix: Reloaded

Hopefully you’ll appreciate the work it took to get these to flash (thus a smaller size/ quicker download)!

The weeklong series continues… FLASH NEEDED (allow vids to load)

We can’t put it ALL here, and people’s internet connections aren’t as fast as we’d like, but here are a few vids for those whom might have missed the event:

also read –> FOR MORE IN-DEPT ASS COVERAGE

Ok take a look at this photo and tell me what is ‘out of place’ with it. Of course it doesn’t seem out of place to you, you’ve an untrained eye. Ok I’ll give you a hint,….

see that bulge… who’s hip is really THAT low??? Well what else do you think that bulge is? Puzzled? Read on…

…it’s the ARCH ENEMIES, the thigh fat that masquerade in pants and makes you think a chick is built more solid than she really is, or even have more curve than her hips or backside really have. Take the pants off, you get…

Thigh Fat being mistaken for a nice butt and hips?

Ok, let’s clear something up, because it happens a lot and a lot of people are tricked by it. Whether I’m in foreign countries or back here at home, it’s funny to hear what people call ‘a nice ass’ or a ‘big ass’- equating huge, wide asses with being a nice ass, which is seriously NOT always the case. Most cases, if MEAT fills up a woman’s jeans, dummies claim it’s automatically a nice ass. This is the trickery that’s plagued us men since the 80s with skin-tight jeans and other bubblegum jeans with optical illusion jeans. You see it time and time again, the chick is coming towards you, sexy walk, you see an hour glass figure and you can’t WAIT to see what’s on the other side of her body… and then it hits you like a sock full of batteries, to the face, as she passes you by! WHAM… Where’s the beef??? Oh that chick looked really good with the 2-D approach and then you saw the 3-D, or lack of 3-D, as her ASS was noticeably missing when she walked by you. But you swore up and down it was thick and all that. Thighs looked ‘thick’ because they didn’t wobble in the jeans- oh wait… she had JEANS on, which made her form look more solid, plus channels excess fat into the buttock area to make it look more full. Goddamn elastic tricks… now, I know some of you are like ‘channels excess fat…?’ Yes, that is exactly what is happening. Take off the pants, and what you end up seeing is a chick who looks wide, due to hips/hip fat/leg fat, on a rather flat ass! Everytime a Mexican, Central American or South American tells me she wants to hook me up with her girl, and says he has a big ass like I like, I KNOW it’s going to be this profile! WIDE BODY WITH THIGH FAT that they think is ass and think makes them thick.

When you mess with skinny White, Blacks or Asians chicks who fatten but the body isn’t build to handle the fat onslaught, you get this nasty looking body! In 9 times out of 10 cases, Latinas with more ‘indian’ or ‘Spaniard/European’ features to them, you see this kind of body. Little Mexicans on thru Colombians who are built like Spongebob with their dumpy tree-stump bodies have this shape all the time. YUCK! It looks like their asses are on the grounds when you see this body. I makes their legs look like midget legs when they have this leg fat because you think their hips are down that low. The ass never makes it to being a TearDrop, never makes it to being a Pig Tail, just doesn’t have ANYTHING there. There is no pronounced AssSmile, there is NOTHING! So since it has no form, the fat from the back, hips, legs, have NOWHERE to go but down and wrap around. But the hips are those child bearing hips, normally, so you expect the wideness and that is what fools most dudes. So we had to go find you an example of a much smaller chick so you can see the fat forming on her body and get a good idea of what we’re talking about. So you CAN’T say the chick is ‘thick’, Assmatrix bumped into a chick we knew was right for our photoshoot. Let’s view a chick that Assmatrix saw in the streets and pulled her into THE BOOTH real quick (the BOOTH is the Assmatrix portable video-photo-studio so we can set up to film ass in even the most obscure and tiny locations, at the drop of a hat!). One chick came through, everyone was raving about her ass. She even thought she was the shit in those jeans. I won’t lie, it took a while to process, because of the jeans’ trickery, but when I looked at what everyone else was hyped off of, all I saw were what looked like wide hips, on a tiny chick! Assmatrix went into a huddle and said “we MUST expose her right now! She’s thinking she’s the shit and none of these other dudes praising it have seen it naked, but WE know it’s all the jeans!” We break from huddle, and she poses for us, still believing her ass is HOT, because he gassed her head up like that so she would pose more! Here’re the results:

Ok first, we have her do a plain backshot. What do you think, ass or no ass (keep in mind, that first pic in the top of the blog is this same chick)?

THIS ASS IS WHAT WE CALL ‘DA BIG TUNER’ aka ‘TUNER FORK ASS’

to find out why, CLICK HERE

Ok, what’s your call, nice, big, terrible, what? ?? 8 out of 10 people I showed this to, and the people who were hyping her head, all said she had a NICE, BIG ASS! They said she has an hour-glass figure! Ok… where examine this pic again, where exactly is the ass? Show me the ass cheeks? Ok, you see the hips right? Now look at the Arch Enemies on that… The roundness of a lady’s body is supposed to come off the hips, not low on the body. Ok, let’s do something, let’s move her, but keep her backshot to you, since you’re still convinced it’s a thick body with a nice big ass.

Here is the actual area of ass on that butt. Barely is there an AssSmile there! We had to try to manipulate one for you to see it. Let’s zoom out a bit, get a broader perspective of her whole shape there.

But let’s not forget, the Arch Enemy thigh fat packed up on the leg and look how there is no crease of the ass! So again, WHERE IS THE BEEF? Where are the ass cheeks? Point them out…

Still looks like a full ass?

Ok, and the moment you were waiting for, what does that booty look like when you do a side profile. It was wide, it seemed fat or thick to you… but only a side view can get you the real story… This is her ass’ side profile

FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Ok there is your side shot, now what? We even highlighted the ass part for you! It’s FLAT!!!! You were tripping on the wideness, but you can see the 2D trick doesn’t pan out in 3D. So you’re wondering how much of that is really her butt? Well here’s a quick camera trick to see exactly, the typical SQUATTING trick that all ladies do to try to make it look like they have ass…

WHAT A DIFFERENCE! Yes that’s the same ass from all the posts earlier! lol You couldn’t even tell until I told you! The gunshot wound on her left asscheek is your reference point if you don’t believe me. Don’t fall for the leg fat trick, dudes! There are a trillion chicks trying to pass themselves off as thick because of excess leg, back or hip fat! Call it like you see it! You’re mistaking the hips for being where that nasty fat is and you think chick has an hour glass figure because of thigh fat!!! Wake up!

(6 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5)

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Since When the fuck did ruining good ass cheeks become fashionable?

Recently, I’ve been hearing A LOT of ladies talking about getting newer tattoos but they don’t want them in the ordinary spots. Now, not for nothing, I don’t like tattoos on bodies of ladies who already have nice, smooth skin, but if they’re going to get tattoos, I’d pray that they don’t do the same lame tattoos in the same lame ass locations (ie butterfly, tribal tattoo, wannabe-abstract art on the lower back/mystery space, side of arm, back of neck, side of shin). Let’s face it, most ladies are not creative when it comes to these things and surely aren’t original with where they place them. Back in the days, no one would even dare put that on their asses, if their asses looked nice, knowing that it makes it look less beautiful. Today, many ladies want to ruin, nice, gorgeous asses, with horrible, meaningless tatoos. Ladies ran out of shit to do with themselves, in the new Millennium, so I’ll show you later where they get these Ass Tattoos ideas from.
So I overhear a chick talking about she got a tattoo ‘down below’. Immediately, I key in on it and she says that her man hates the tattoo she got. After listening to her cryptic conversation, apparently, she put a huge butterfly on her ASSCHEEK! So when she gets up to go to the bathroom, I’m trying to get a peak of that tattoo, and more importantly, her ASS! lol It was a long flat ass, PIGTAIL, sad to say, and some of the tattoo was visible, as she wore a jean skirt and a top that exposed her backside and muffin-top fat hanging out the sides. I wondered why she didn’t get something like most chicks with her build get, when they have long, pigtail butts with lots of mystery space :

That tattoo had to be a HUGE design if it’s also covered her ass because she had a long ass, to begin with, but part of the design wrapped around the mystery space/ lowerback. Trying to imagine it, I came up with something that looked like this:

except she was a bit chunky, so it looked more like this

So I can imagine what her man didn’t like. It’s already an unpleasant-looking ass, but to highlight it’s flatness by putting, basically, a BILLBOARD on that ass? when you’re hitting it from behind, the last thing you want to look at is the design on her ass the whole time! But I wondered, would it look as bad if she actually had a nice ass? hmmm does this look like less of a nice ass to you (because it has “BITCH” SCRIBBLED ON THE LEFT ASS CHEEK, AND “BOOTY” SCRIBBLED ON THE RIGHT? Told you chicks have shitty imaginations! lol).

Now, I’ve hit a chick that had a tattoo, but her ass tattoo did not overshadow her nice ass. In fact, it was a tiny heart on her ass, off of the top of her ass cheek, and it was not the focal point on her ass. I barely looked at it, and she knew that if she put something right ON the ass cheek, it would subtract from the appreciation of her ass when it was in a thong, on the beach. If you’re into admiring a nice ass, whatever YOU perceive that to be, which would you rather look at? This, like I’ve had:

ok she didn’t have an ass as huge as Cherokee here, good lord no! But still, it was tiny, compared to her ass, and it was just something out of the way, not all in the way!

Ok, what about this here… too much???

This takes away from the beauty of the ass. Sorry, I can’t endorse ass tattoos! If you’re ass is a nasty, pasty, flat wall of an ass, fine, put a Times Square sized billboard on your flat ass, it actually helps with having to look at whatever the hell is your ass. But if you have a nice ass, please don’t litter! I know you think having letters on your ass is sexy, but just because the untrained eyes of MORONS see ‘JUICY’ written on the ass of your valor track suit, that does not mean it translates into the same shit when it’s permanently imprinted on your skin, ladies!!! Nor does that mean your ass is juicy either, fyi BAAAARRRFF!!! —>lol, so stop doing this–> , it’s tacky as all hell!!

Yes, I said it, that’s where MOST of you get this dumb fucking idea of tattooing huge graphics on your ass cheeks, from goddamn valor suits!!!

Seriously, is ANYONE feeling ass tattoos?

(6 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)

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A Tear Drop booty is the most common of all booties. Most booties that can’t take form, one way or another, will probably end up being some form of this kind of booty. This is because if the ass does not have a top of the ass that jumps off of the back, must then slope downward and out, if it’s not completely flar or is negative ass! Tear Drops are actually very sexy, at many different sizes, if the ass is maintained well or the fat that collects on it never gets to be TOO much. Because the Tear Drop is a downward slope of butt that forms a bulb at the bottom of the ass, depending on how well that bulb forms (plump version), or how well defined the AssSmile is on that booty, you might see a WHOLE DIFFERENT VIEW of Tear Drop, and it can actually disgust you instead of fascinate you. On the other hand, you can have a Tear Drop that is so acute that it’s almost flat ass and has no AssSmile, which is also a disgusting view.

For the most part, most chicks have ugly looking Tear Drops because they got too fat and they were meant to be acute versions of the Tear Drop and they got fatter through the years, but the ass didn’t grow to proportion, instead it just grew downward! That’s the problem with a Tear Drop, it can only go downward and out, so if that ass is not backed with muscle, the bulb of the ass starts to fold over on top of the back of the thigh and it looks like the second chin on a fat person’s neck! This collection of fat that backs up on the top of the back of the thigh is mistaken for a sexy bulb, because of certain clothing that the chick’s wear that show off ONLY that dangling meat at the bottom of the ass. When guys look at a sloppy Tear Drop like that, they do the same thing that a Ghetto Booty ’spot checker’ does, they key in on the dangling, sloppy hanging collection of ass fat that is disguised as the bulb of the Tear Drop, and they think that’s a nice ass! It’s like mud flaps on a car. So before we get into what makes for good Tear Drop booty, let’s examine this porn chick that way too many dudes are saying is ‘thick’ and has one of the nicest asses ever, and has a nice, firm, round ass.

Now, the Tear Drop, is also another booty that has a rule that bigger doesn’t make better. The fact that a Tear Drop is not like an Apple Bottom, where it’s full ass cheeks rounded at the top and bottom, means when gravity hits this type of ass, it crashes HARD! So the more tight or more toned the ass, the better. As you start getting plumper, you have more meat that sinks to towards the leg, and hopefully for that ass, there is a well defined AssSmile to make the ass still look pronouced as it gets plumper. So what’s to happen to an ass that doesn’t have roundness and form, doesn’t have a muscular base, has a deep crack, and was a nice Tear Drop, years ago when it was 20lbs lighter?

Take for instance, this ass to the left, which is from an ugly chick, in porn, named Kelly. Now I put the ‘good*’ picture of her ass, where it looks like a classic tear drop. But what should stick out to you immediately is the ass crease. That ass crease is MAD DEEP for a crease that is on an ass! That means that it’s wrapping quite a bit of FAT there, as it’s smashed in by the shorts. But where that crease ends, that’s really where her ass is supposed to end! The fat just started piling up at the bottom and as a result, you have what you see in the pic. Looks good because it’s in the shorts, right? Mad dudes sweat her ass, but when I see it, I see watery tits attached to the back of her ass! Really, her ass only looks like it’s worth something when she is bent over, as the directors of the videos know, when she’s not moving, and when you take videos/pics from under her ass. The more I saw this girl in porn, the more grossed out I was by her ass. How can an ass look full like this, 1 minute:

Her ass is ODD LOOKING, and that’s why she’s getting play. See, if you look at her ass, it’s a weird combination of a bunch of ass profiles, which is why this chick has work, right now. You’ll always catch her in black ‘hood’ videos because motherfucks swear she has ass because it’s large meat danging from the backside. Uh when will the brothas learn?? And white boys don’t know what to make of the ass meat she has either. They’re thinking “yeah the form looks like a white girl’s ass, where it has the mystery space after the lowerback, and it’s flat there, but what is all that meat at the very bottom of the ass? I’ve never seen that without it being a purely ghetto booty!” So they’re fascinated that her ass looks like sloppy, playdough! lol No one caresses her butt, they pinch the part that is the dangling, sloppy meat that looks like dwater in a clear bag. Every porn does like 10 minutes just looking at her butt, before any dude gets to hit it. It’s because they’re as puzzled as you are. lol It looks like a cross between a Ghetto Booty, Tear Drop with huge pronounced AssSmile and a Pig Tail all in the same piece of meat! lol No Lie. Now you can’t see this, initially due to camera tricks, so let’s step through why I hate this ass, but everyone else loves it, and why it’s NOT a good Tear Drop. Observe the video:

Yeah, I KNEW I had to put a video to this chick for the people who still have some sense left, to peep. See how the asscheeks have NONE of the form it had in the pictures where she wasn’t moving much? First the ass smile was very well defined, when she was smaller, and she gained weight and the top of the ass was never there, so it all drooped down and now the ass cheeks are elongated, droopy and full of water. The ass smile is the only thing that was saving this ass, but the droopiness overcomes this ass as you see the ass cheeks have no definition what so ever when she moves. You saw how many times the ass cheeks lost form? See how different the ass looks with clothes on versus without clothes on to crunch up the slop? After watching that video, seriously, can you tell me that’s a hot Tear Drop? But black, white, latino are all in line to see this doofy looking chick, in video! She’s a top requested PAWG (Phat Ass’d White Girl) and I’m not seeing why! It’s sloppy!

Seriously, any ass that you can do this to,

is NOT worth sweating! YUCK!

(22 votes, average: 4.09 out of 5)

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Some people asked for video representation of the asses we were describing. I guess they didn’t want to read the site, lol but it was here at this link, in detail!!! Since people don’t want to read anymore, here is the quickest reference for you, enjoy:

(19 votes, average: 3.63 out of 5)

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OH yeah… the shaking your ass for the kids to see how hoes behave, and to train those babies, transcends cultural barriers… te gusta pompi y hijos en el mismo video? Well here is more on what is not cool, Ma! Stop shaking your fucking asses in videos with kids the video too! Trust they will be doing the same shit soon! Uh we’re lost as a people… and as hot as it is, where they are, wtf do they have PLASTIC ON THE SOFA???? Your ass crack will be drenched from 1 minute of sitting on that sofa. lol

or what about the little kids being taught how to dance to Dancehall… but the kid is learning a version that is uhmm a little unorthodoxed on an older woman. lol ooooh please save the children!

(21 votes, average: 3.9 out of 5)

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Yeah I saw this commercial and noticed that a lot of the pants that the chicks wear are LIFTING UP THE ASS, and not just shape shifting like we’re used to, here in the united states. Most times, women just stick a bunch of fat into pants and the pants just makes the skin look tight aka “thick” and you think you’re dealing with tight thighs, shapely ass, etc.. but the ass of our ladies’ jeans don’t really do what these types of jeans do, which is basically they’re acting ass bras for the butt! DR and Brasil are big on pants that separate and lift ass. I’ve seen these in action, first hand, I was totally amazed, especially when a woman is wearing them in white. Take those off, and you’ll be PISSED that you don’t see that perky ass you thought you were paying for uhhhm subsidizing… uhmm dating… yeah dating.. lol

You might not be able to understand the video but the lady is talking about how shapely the asses/thighs are now and keys in on how they lift the pompi (booty)! They’re on to the trickery big time but openly advertise it, unlike in this country, where we try to keep it a secret! lol Dude was impressed and surprised because he saw the less than average asses BEFORE they put the jeans on!!!! lol It’s the old INSTA-ASS technique that we put you on to, on ASSMATRIX.COM’S INSTA-ASS piece. Peep it, if you haven’t and enjoy the video:

(9 votes, average: 4.44 out of 5)

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Go download some, bittorrent or whatever! You will NOT be disappointed! Their version of dancing the ‘FUNK’ is music for ladies to put on grapeskin short shorts, thongs or skirts that if they were any shorter, they’d be called HATS! I’ve viewed like 3 or 4 of these shits, maaaaannn get up on that! the you tube ones suck, but the shit you can get on bittorrent will have you in tears! The best so far is the FB - Gaiola Das Popozuda style which features full on orgies during the stage performances by porn pros!  There’s even a midget getting his funk on, shit is funny! Obviously, these posts are HEAVILY EDITED to be cleaner! Definitely good for putting on your big screen TV while company is over- or to have playing while your nosey neighbors are looking through your windows! lol Disfrutalos