AssMatrix: Reloaded

Do you know this butt?

Probably not. It looks like Luscious Lopez or Olivia Olovely or the numerous Indias I banged when I was bored and no one else was around. But this you DO know that profile of a butt that is staring at you like this, right? Think, man!!! Little to NO ASS SMILE, Ass crack is not deep so ass cheeks are not that rotund and pronounced, the ass crack is more defined under the body, no bulb as a Tear Drop would have so it’s not that, not roundness coming off of the top of the ass, so not an Applebottom, and the back, ass and legs just mesh seamlessly. What profile of ass is it? Come on. . . HERE IS A HINT Ok, let’s reveal who’s 5 star (or so only YOU guys think) butt this is. Why it’s none other than
ANDRESSA SOARES

Don’t know who she is? Well, IMO, it doesn’t matter! She’s not that hot (in the big ass admiration category- and her face isn’t even what I expect of the women to salivate over, from Brasil. Brasil has much better than this chick). Talk about PIG WITH LIPSTICK. So why are dudes falling out all over this chick? I’m not feeling it and here is why…
Ok, I know this one is going to cause a stir, but it just must be said. I’ve seen this chick Andressa Soares for a minute now, and each time I see one of her videos I’m just not stopping to WATCH the shit fully. She’s boring to me and I can’t figure out why dudes are all on that! I don’t know, call me whatever you want, but she just doesn’t do it for me. At one point, I took notice because her body was smaller (she’s supposed to be a smaller FRAMED WOMAN WITH LITTLE TO NO ASS (see the top 2 pics from her playboy shoot in Brasil (to see video click here ). But the problem is this chick, as a small size, gets NO ATTENTION HERE OR IN BRASIL without a tight round little ass or at least a nice ASS SMILE on a tinier frame. So in time, she got a little bit more pudgy I started to liked it because her butt cheeks’ fat made the ass look more full without needing the tight shorts hiked up the butt, as the ass started to collect fat evenly without affecting other parts of her body– but when thinking about that, I realized, That’s NOT a nice ass by big butt standards! What I was looking at was NOT in the ghetto booty class of great asses to look at, but it’s being billed as such! I can’t accept that! Couldn’t figure out WHY I even bothered to look. That’s a very TONED back side she has NOW but she MUST keep it like that or you’ll see what she REALLY looks like back there (I’ll show you that in a second). Keep in mind, I never said she was ugly, never said I wouldn’t hit that, but I don’t see what the fuck the star buzz is all about this chick’s ass when chicks on Youtube are shaking ass MUCH BETTER and with more ass. Andressa Soares, to me, is just like any other INDIA that I’ve seen that has no real ass or curvature to the butt and she can get pudgy (see this picture PUDGY INDIAS HAVE PIGTAIL)! Sorry, it’s just REALLY REALLY WIDE to me! Most times, you’re tripping off of the skin color, hair, and everyother feature but the ass like here –> STILL A GOOD SHOW BUT INDIAS DON’T TEND TO HAVE ASS I know, you’re not buying it- read on.
Yeah I know, I’m bugging, right? You spray your shorts just looking at her hair alone! But consider this, put some black skin on this chick and you’d NOT be turned on at all! That’s not to disrespect my sistas with dark skin, but rather to say that everyone is really tripping over her light skin and straight hair, coupled with her wide hips, thick thighs and whatever you call that part that is her butt (most dudes I asked said all these made her beautiful plus had ghetto booty). But I see without color, and have been around these women of all colors so long that I don’t have a features bias towards women, only that I like an ass to be there. I think she’s another internet-famed chicks that’s pulling the wool over the eyes of most dudes, like MS RABBIT who doesn’t really have a nice ass, but people are tripping over her features outside of the ass area, while the chick rides stardom using exactly what you’re not really looking at, HER ASS! Now, Andressa has her moments, don’t get me wrong. You will catch that in the right light and be amazed, but that’s the problem, she fluctuates, in body mass, way too fucking much for my taste. She went from David Banner to the Hulk on us (sometimes turning into Swamp thing between). But if you catch her in the right videos, without the shorts hiked up the ass to create what’s not really there, you’ll see what I mean. 1 minute she’s a beauty at comfortable smaller size, the next minute she’s a tree stump or a brolic chick who can’t even walk about her own thighs or can’t even lift up her legs up (ok, it’s a dance but it looks like the bitch has trouble getting her legs to raise higher than waist level anyway). lol I’m sorry, but WTF is the hype about that? Yes, she’s thick in the thigh, has light skin, straight hair is from Brasil. . . and? Where is her ASS at?

Unfortunately, we let the thickness of her thighs get in our way. She’s also trying to create more ass by doing typical optical illusion tricks to create a more full ass. What tricks? Well, first, she’s NEVER without HIGH HEELS! That is a known tool in a woman’s arsenal to make the legs and ass look more full (thus poking out her ass while walking), and the bottom of her ass (which is where her ass really is) is forced up higher to your eyes, creating a look of a butt that is more full. She’s forever bending over/arching to also create more ass- she has a pig tail so she’s trying to force the crack of her ass to look higher up on the butt/back. She wears shorts jacked up the crack of her ass to show more skin/leg and the videos you think are the hottest, she does the common trick of covering that mystery space up that’s rather flat with boyshorts or granny panties so you can’t see where the ass really begins. Luckily for her, she hit the gym, to make ass/thigh muscles get bigger, but all it looks like is it’s getting wider not more full (I think she’s taking steroids to be honest with you. Something doesn’t look right with the thighs/butt now for some reason and many women are brolic like that now in dance videos- like in the bad version of the normally HOT BAILE FUNK video chicks with huge thighs and little to no ass. Shit looks nasty if a woman has big thighs and little to no ass). This is the part I’d like to highlight for you
Ok, she’s showing off ass, right? But have you actually SEEN HER MOVE AND WORK THAT ASS???? uhhhh it’s a corny, horrible sight! Let’s go to the tale of the tail tape, YOU DON’T KNOW!:

Here she is at a smaller size, before she completely dumbed out on the weights, steroids, whey protein shakes- whatever the fuck she’s doing to look more full. This is the infamous PLAYBOY shoot video and it’s clear, that ass is NOTHING to celebrate back there! (Do me a favor though, stop looking at her thighs, her color of the skin, hair.. look at her ass’ shape, and how she moves. Doesn’t something look OFF and not like her other videos? She still have the heels but the true shape and look of that ass can’t be hidden no matter what size she grows too or what injections or weights she lifts)

Now here is one of her best moments (again in jacked up shorts and high heels doing that corny dance but pay attention to her ASS and not the thighs. You’ll begin to see THROUGH the act (pay attention to the location of her top of the ass, her ass crack and where exactly IS the meat on her ass:
Did you see anything OFF about her ass? Ok, nice thick body, I like that, but not when it moves like that! UHHH This chick should be doing photos only! Poke your ass out here and there, snap snap that’s it. She has to bend over to create an ass now that the fat is mostly gone from her ass (due to the overdose in leg and butt exercises she’s been doing. She got fat and rather than cardio, she does deadlift workouts with weights). She moves like a granny Transformer or something. All stiff like a box. She can’t even shake her ass!!! She looks like she’s a football player who is running in place in practice. lol Let’s look further. Here’s her BEST moment ever, in my opinion, but even that is eeehhh whatever to me with that ass :

Pigtail looking butt - video powered by Metacafe

Well, yeah I see a little jiggle and wiggle finally, in most videos you don’t see her ass moving, but here you can see a clear line of sight, right? The jiggling is mostly muscle, a little bit of fat mixed in there, but all you’re focusing on is the parting of her ass cheeks, UNDER HER ASS and the wiggling of the thigh meat really! You’re seeing the only part of the ass that is ass cheeks move, THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE ASS which is all UNDER her body and she has to bend WAY OVER for you to enjoy while the cam gets up under it- and she can’t even make that clap because there is minimal fat. This is her ass at it’s best. The ass crack is not really deep (like pigtail asses always do until it wraps under the body) until up under that body. You look at that and your eyes move to her THIGHS!!!! You can’t look at the ass because it’s not interesting! THAT is the affect that you’re falling out over! That right there, to me, looks like a WIDE, FLAT ASS that if it wasn’t made brolic would be a sloppy, huge pigtail view (like first video you saw). So I don’t get that hyped because that’s the only video this chicks made that did it for me. To highlight exactly what you’re getting hyped up over, let’s queue a video from a chick with a smaller ass, so you can see the same basic effect that Andressa is creating, just a wider version of this ass (both rather flat at top, ass crack is deep/spreads UNDER that body where the cheeks spread so they have to both bend over for you to get hyped up over it- CLASSIC PIGTAILS)

Tell me that’s not the same effect. It’s just more obvious because the smaller girl has no ‘distractions’ like thick thighs.

Many said she doesn’t have a pigtail, and that it’s a ghetto booty, but how can you argue that point now? To further make the case, that she’s really a pigtail, here she is before she went completely brolic, to try to counter the pigtail her ass really is (pay attention to the last part of the video on the beach that’s her before the weights):

Andressa Soares when it looked ok- video powered by Metacafe
Did you see her on the beach? No ass definition, because she doesn’t have ASS CHEEK DEFINITION! Can’t even walk around her legs! Where is the ass smile, students? Where is that crease? Where does the back end and butt begin? Where goes the ass end and the legs begin? But the vid of her changing bikini was her before going stupid with the weights/ I liked THAT size and butt because she had enough butt fat at that time to make her ass appear plump at least. She went and worked out too much and that little bit of evenly distributed fat went away.

So to all you Andress Soares fans, I leave you with this and some pics to take us out:

1) She was much hotter at a smaller size (first pics on this post from playboy shoot), then got sloppy fat, then overdosed on weights and made the midsection filled with muscle (which took away the little bit of ass fat she had when she was kinda sloppy). She needs to let a little fat collect on the bottom of her ass, which is easy since she has a pigtail.

2) She should stop dancing because she moves like a dwarf (my apologies to any dwarfs reading- not the mystical kind in World of Warcraft, the Mini-Me kind- but I haven’t seen any of you dance well either so blah to you lol). She’s not fluid, too many muscles. She needs to get some rhythm and be able to lift her own legs up nor get around her own thighs.

3) If she’s going to dance, she needs to come up with a fucking dance routine, a NEW one with new moves! Look in any video she’s done for the past 3 years. She takes 2 steps forward around her thighs, 2 back, lifts 1 leg, then the other, squats like a sumo, repeat whines the waist a little and goes down squat, repeat… CORNY! She’s doing the same corny shit over and over like a robot!
4) She should definitely not do any more thong shots at the current muscle size. Watching her thighs fight each other for control is not hot to me and watching that flat, wide ass is more painfully obvious. She should stick to tights and shorts hiked up the butt. That will cover up the top of her ass that doesn’t exist anyway, thus I don’t want to see.
5) She should stick to doing photos where they can prop her up in whatever positions to create ass and let her arch all she wants, in heels, throw cakes of makeup on her face, etc. Her moving is like when you meet a beautiful woman and when she talks to you, her breath smells like a jock strap stuffed in smelly boots. You can’t see any side profile shots of her because the ass is GONE when you see her from the side. Most of the chicks more on the Indian side of the genetic pool have WIDE asses, not full asses. I leave you with this pics to hate me for, but still, there are many more chicks on the net to praise. THIS IS NOT TO BE ONE OF THEM!!!

Other examples of the big legged Indias doing that funk dance can be pulled off with a lot of energy but if you look close, you’ll see a lot of PIG TAILS! If your legs look fuller than your ass, it’s quite obvious when you wear shorts!!!

As pointed out below, Renata Frisson >>>>>>>>>>>> Andressa Soares. Of the Indias out there, she’s my fav! Enjoy the photo shoot vid of Mulher Melao instead.