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Promoting cultural awareness: ‘BAILE FUNK’ videos of Brasil…

> May 11th, 2008 ---

Go download some, bittorrent or whatever! You will NOT be disappointed! Their version of dancing the ‘FUNK’ is music for ladies to put on grapeskin short shorts, thongs or skirts that if they were any shorter, they’d be called HATS! I’ve viewed like 3 or 4 of these shits, maaaaannn get up on that! the you tube ones suck, but the shit you can get on bittorrent will have you in tears! The best so far is the FB - Gaiola Das Popozuda style which features full on orgies during the stage performances by porn pros!  There’s even a midget getting his funk on, shit is funny! Obviously, these posts are HEAVILY EDITED to be cleaner! Not feeling a lot of the big legged but PIG TAIL asses in these latest baile funk stuff but the REST of the video, apart from that singer is KILLER!!! Indias don’t tend to have nice ass as they get bigger! Definitely good for putting on your big screen TV while company is over- or to have playing while your nosey neighbors are looking through your windows! lol Disfrutalos

Hewlett Packard thinks Serena Williams has a huge ass! lol

> May 9th, 2008 ---

Yes, if you bought an HP computer/laptop, in the hood, you probably saw a special advertisement that made you rush out and buy the damn thing. You probably ended up fighting with your wifie on this one, especially if she saw the same advertisement of Serena Williams. lol We’re talking about Serena Williams, that sexy, chocolate THICK (the real thick not fake thick) sista!

serena

Her juicy chocolate ass looks like THIS VIDEO BELOW, to non-ass enthusiasts. Check the caricature in CGI… silly lol :

Get the Flash Player to see the wordTube Media Player.

I mean, come on now… her ass is not a GHETTO BLASTER, it’s a true THICK ass! Her ass is mad nice, not some huge nasty shit! How do you figure that THIS below

gorgeous ass

what the fuck kind of QUEER EYE must you have to think that pic above looks like this shit here….

American cornballs see this instead

If Serena’s ass was a large as the HP marketing people say it is, then it would be this

cherokee the pornochick\'s butt lol

lol and don’t ask me where I got that pic from lol

Note to reader: The HP add does NOT make her ass enlarge when this video ad was played on stations that advertise mostly to whites! The official ad from HP is cleaned up on CBS, NBC or the site. Go to their site, you’ll see the ass does not grow to huge ghetto blaster size- rather it quietly skips by all ass references! lol

The Big Pig aka PIG TAIL booty

> May 9th, 2008 ---

We’re getting some hate over the PIG TAIL booties, from our TYPES OF ASS section of ASSMATRIX.COM. People are upset that we, at Assmatrix.com, are making light of the kinds of bodies/booties that are not fully fat, thick, normal or skinny. There are many in-betweens and sometimes people like to ‘upgrade’ themselves, often improperly, to a seemingly sexier booty type. One that we HATE is a chick who is clearly a PIG TAIL and she, OR SOME IDIOT DUDE, is calling her booty an APPLE BOTTOM! Please, please, puuuuhleease STOP THAT!!! Here is a short demonstration of the PIG TAIL, for the viewers’ pleasure:

Get the Flash Player to see the wordTube Media Player.

Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (12 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5)

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Dudes stay checking this chick’s ass. WHY??!!

> May 8th, 2008 ---

Ok, pop quiz… who’s ass is this?
corny booty
Come on… think really hard… how could you NOT know? You see it all day, you fantasize about being with her… you really don’t know who’s this is? Ok, I’ll give you another angle. Look again, meng…
another angle

Is this a hot butt? What kind of butt would you rate it as? Look at the back leg and the butt, does it have that PLUMP, WELL DEFINED SET OF ASSCHEEKS like you normally like? NO? It’s a corny looking ass, right? You wouldn’t pay to see a corny ass like this shake it and do a now-famous booty poppin’ type dance, would you?

Yes you would, because this ass belongs to, none other than, flat-assed, BEYONCE! lol

its flat assed beyonce

Beyonce’s Bounce- or lack thereof

Oh quit your moaning, this pic hasn’t been doctored, it really is her. See, unlike many think, Beyonce does NOT have a nice ass, not even a fat plump ass, whatever you want to say, this is a corny ass! But dudes stay tripping over that (to use the ghetto vernacular)! lol You can’t find one dude who will admit to Beyonce’s ass not being corny (see these British idiots’ blog about a Beyonce phone prototype check the ASS of the phone–> CLICK HERE , but of course, we know 3 reasons why you think that: 1) She’s a very pretty woman, make no mistake about it, 2) you’re mistaking a nice plump ass with HUGE THIGHS- don’t know how you’re doing it but you are! Yes, Beyonce is a bamma who’s weight goes all to her midsection when she downs a whole bucket of Churches chicken, by herself. Oh you don’t believe me, everyone ELSE is watching how HUGE she’s getting on stage, and how she she NOT BE IN THOSE OUTFITS!!! oooh did I mention that she FALLS…? lol Her big thighs is why she keeps falling down in performances that are not meant for fat thighed chicks to do in high heels! They thighs can’t get around each other… throw some baby oil on those shits so you get the chub rub out of there!! They keep crashing into each other and she looses balance. lol So stop being distracted with fat thighs!! and finally 3) you’re not paying attention to her actual ass area or you’d notice that her ass is not really there-or that it’s FAKE!! Yes, Beyonce wears butt-pads to make it look like she has a butt, but only when black audiences are the people she’s playing to! flat butt for whitesYeah, I know you don’t want to believe it, butt-consider this. When she goes on white TV shows, she wants to appeal to a white audience, so she REMOVES the butt pants, and actually get liposuction. Here she is on the TODAY SHOW (the first butt shots I opened the blog with were from another appearance there too!). That’s how she keeps fluctuating in size so drastically, so quickly! If you paid attention, you’d see she has a long BACK BUTT! So as she gets fatter by the months, it makes a puffy fat area in the lower back section, which she stuffs in tight jeans and it looks like a butt, to the untrained eye, or desperate, starving dude… then coupled with BUTT PADS… you get this shot:

gotcha B!

Jajaja caught you B! LOL Now, with that being said… go back and revist WHY THESE TWO RAPPERS WERE REALLY LOOKING AT BEYONCE’S BUTT, DURING THE AWARD SHOWS…. You were WRONG as to why they were checking her ass, on stage. lol THEY READ ASSMATRIX.COM AND WERE INFORMED!!! That’s an ASSMATRIX REVELATION! LOL

Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (11 votes, average: 3.64 out of 5)

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You want an exercise video for a better butt?… hmm try this :)

> May 7th, 2008 ---

Pinky is still hot as a plumper!!

A reader asked what can we suggest for a better butt, the natural way… but in all seriousness, it’s a combination of genetics and exercise. If you have a flat ass, you just can’t grow it and have to do a Beyonce and get buttpads, or JUST DEAL WITH IT. lol You can get a toned butt, if you’d like, but doing squats all day doesn’t mean you’ll get a nice ass, but you might get nice legs. Some people try the trick of seeing if fat goes right to the butt, and if so, they work the ass cheeks out religiously. You might not be able to gamble like that, and might get a tire belly that you can’t get ride of. lol Seriously, I know 3 white girls drinking protein shakes to work on their asses. One of them has an ass that looks like my pecks, seriously, shit is DISGUSTING! Another one walks like goddamn Robocop- but she used to walk sexy!!! So you do this shit at your own risk, but if you don’t have it, let it go! General techniques could be like these (note, the girl in the animations does NOT have an ass, even after all this shit she’s doing… just like we told you)

And if you want to work the glute so you can flex them like pecks… take a peek at this clip below lol

ASS EDUCATION

Now this might be a little too slow for your speed, so you can always do some Strippaerobics, Hood-Style

work out booty clap

Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (6 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5)

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Who has a sexy walk? Mathematic formula helps determine that THICK CHICK do! Fellas get your MATH up!

> May 6th, 2008 ---

SCIENTISTS DETERMINE THAT “The ideal waist-hip ratio for women is to have a waist measurement which is no more than 70% of their hip measurement.

It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing! And THIS

would have a mighty swing!

Can THIS
possibly have a nice sexy walk to it, with no hips and butt?? I don’t think so… and now there is PROOF! :)
For years, ‘thick‘ women were praised for having hour glass figures, rather than the stick and bones wannabe model/hollywood types of bodies, all across the globe. While most ‘ethnic’ people I know favor a woman with more meat on their bones, the little penised other guys, prefered women who were TINY in body size (I joke that it’s because it makes their own penises look bigger- which is why most of them shave their crotches completely, to make it look MASSIVE ajajajaj). Years ago, when I was just seeing differently sized women (in NYC), my friends and I were trying to compare the skinny chicks walking down the block, versus the ‘BLESSED’ women walking down the block, once, we spotted some Asian chicks walking towards us, with their unusual fashion statements, yet with a RUNWAY MODEL WALK. My Asian friend adds, “my sister and all her girls practice walking like that, like a runway model, to try to look sexy to men”. And not for nothing, they surely did look sexy, walking towards us– and I lost my wood when I continued to watch and I caught a SIDE VIEW of them, and their completely FLAT azzes! uhhgggh YUCK! Not even a little cuppable azz, just FLATTER than a wall azzes… that killed the buzz, but the Asians were on to something, apparently, that none of us noticed, back then- THE GREAT EQUALIZER. Something I didn’t see a lot of women doing, while they were walking, and still don’t see, to this day. Because I made a remark about the flat azzes, we begin to argue, as I had daily arguments (not debates, arguments) with some of my boys from different parts of the world, the hollywood anorexic image is what more and more of them favored and still favor, and I wondered why they changed their minds and have gone this route, when clearly they loved full figured ladies, previously. So one of my white boys points out a chick with big hips/booty coming (yes from the FRONT you saw she had mad azz, that’s how much of a thoroughbread she was), and noticed how her thighs were doing the CHUB RUB dance, WOBBLED down the block, because her thighs were in the way and she had to walk around her own thighs. jajaja Now this girl had to ill booty, but he pointed out that WOBBLE, due to CHUB RUB and you know what, it wasn’t the chub rub that made her look bad, it was the chub rub that made her WALK bad!! THAT KILLED THE THICK GIRL FANTASY FOR ME, when I wasn’t looking at that chub rub, I was just looking at ONLY hips, thighs and azz. But many ladies walking by had chub rub, not many walked very sexily regardless! Then we saw a stick figure Linsey Lohan/Paris Hilton chick coming and she walked like a tired person dragging her body along (slouching backwards, feet front, pelvis forward) and we unamimously let out and AWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!- except for white boy who said her face was gorgeous so he’d date her. Jajaja ultimately, we could all agree, and realized something- WALK COUNTS FOR EVERYTHING! And eventually, it’s the equalizer for women who might not be blessed in a certain area (like the booty lol)…

As we investigated some of the thick honies we came across in the past, what made them hot? Even some of the rare hot obese ones, what made them hot? It was the way she carried herself, and HER WALK! She carried herself well, dressed nicely and caught your eye with her walk! Shoot, we weren’t the only ones who like thick chicks walking by, because now there are sites dedicated to representing this type of body and animating it!!! You see this graphic, if you’re using SECOND LIFE the online program, you have to PAY to use a thick chick walking animation!!!
Yes, MANY like seeing a THICK chick walk, so you knew that, in time, someone would write and article abou tit and explain WHAT makes a sexy walk. Here is that article –> CLICK HERE I read it an afterwards, I remembered that infamous debate with the fellas, and laughed hard to myself. So we came to the same conclusion that the article said we previously would have, HIPS-WAIST RATIO TURNED US ON!
In many instances, this is still true, but the ante was upped by THE WALK! Without a walk, it’s all dead meat on the meat wagon. Now, if you’re a boney little thing, just stay in front of a guy and if you do ‘THE WALK’ you can still come off as sexy!

So just as the article pointed out, Marylyn Monroe, JLO even Beyonce, without a sexy walk, wouldn’t be shiit but corny azz on the street- JLO maybe not so much :P So a survey was done with 700 people watching animations and videos of people and walks, and it was concretely established that the meat without the swagger, didn’t make it sexy! If considering just the meat she has on her body, that is for those who like a thicker or fullfigured woman because she’s naturally more able to put out babies without complications, it’s an animal attraction thing. But Westerner women didn’t have to do that physical labor that underdeveloped countries’ ladies had to do, and never developed that muscle/bubble, so genes never passed down, and therefore was never appreciated, as opposed to a Brasil or Africa. Ghetto stanceWhile a big butt might please, alone, she can mess up the fantasy by walking pigeon toed (which ghetto bowlegged chicks thought was sexy to pose like that and it’s not really sexy)!

So you need the movement, to be sexy, you need the HIPS SHAKING SIDE TO SIDE, if you’re to be a sexy walking woman! Conversely, for a woman’s pleasure, she wants to see a man’s SHOULDERS move! So big gyals, WORK ON THAT WALK, your big azz alone doesn’t cut it anymore!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6444851.stm
Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)

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What do we mean by ASS-EDUCATION? Surely not this, ladies!!!

> May 5th, 2008 ---

We, at Assmatrix.com, like to educate people on what’s going on in the world of ass. “It is our duty to examine the booty”! We provide ass education, or Asseducation, because many are lost today. Here is an example of knowledge transfer that we simply do not approve of… let’s watch a short clip, you tell ME what’s wrong here. lol

Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (4 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)

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Size-matters and SIZE MATTERS!!

> May 5th, 2008 ---

RIP BONEY ASSES, YOU WILL NOT BE MISSED THOUGH!!!

BYE BYE BIRDIE

I was checking out a website called LOOKING FOR LATINAS and started to think about the ladies I had been with, in particular, the ones without nice asses. Today, I stand as a reformed ass-enthusiast! I am 100% PRO-Nice-Ass now, but back in the days, I didn’t really mind a flat pancake butt, or like one of those INVERTED NEGATIVE ASS’d chicks. You know, the kind of ass that when she stands straight up, the ass is concaved, not convexed! lol But this was the ass for me, just like this below, it was ALL I NEEDED! Anything more was considered ‘FAT’ and nasty back then:

yuck I liked this???

I used to swear by these booties. Made your manhood look longer, made you feel like you were boning thin, top of of the line chicks, when you were in elementary school or HS (what? You weren’t fucking in ES too? lol Chicks with daddy issues start out early!!). Everything else was considered fat and disgusting!!! When you go to squeeze her ass, you have to dig INWARD, as if trying to scoop a cookie out of the cookie jar, if you wanted to cuff 3 fingers worth of her asscheeks! Most times, I could palm a WHOLE ASS with 1 hand (4 fingers), with every chick I dated. I felt POWERFUL! That shit was AWESOME to me, until THIS came along:

This is Britney\'s current ass! yuck!

And I was forced to UPGRADE ass size… MAN I SWORE BY THIS KIND OF ASS! ALL GELATIN LIKE AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE ASS, FLAT AT THE TOP!! MMMMMMM MMM MM OOOOWEEEE THAT WAS ASS TO ME! LOL and in hindsight… uhm that wasn’t a nice ass at all, nor was it even the kind of ass of a chick I was trying to compete with my buddies with having. It was a HORRIBLE ASS!!! See, the fellas used to make fun of the fact that ladies I dated were flat in the back! So I thought I was doing something by upgrading. lol I wasn’t and my stroke game on this sized ass wasn’t up to par. I wasn’t hitting it right, it was TOO MUCH ASS, in my mind (I know, how GAY, right? I was young, sue me!), because I couldn’t dig that chick out like I really wanted, being so tuned to smaller bodies only, for so long. Still, I though THIS was the largest of asses that I’d EVER want to deal with, it was hard enough trying to last in doggy style with this chick, partly because I’d see the little bit of droopy ass flapping, and bust way too fast. lol But I was on to something there… but not before going back to completely flat asses and demonstrating my new piping techniques… and then becoming extremely BORED with chicks with tiny to no asses at all! It made me feel like I was really just jerking myself off because unlike my gelatin at the bottom, jiggly, bigger assed chick, NOTHING was entertaining me while I worked, with the tiny asses I used to love. :/ Fucking them really was JERKING OFF! LOOK AT THAT VIEW!?? WTF was I thinking?

Then I learned better dick control, and started growing more, and I realized that this sized chick was not enough, as I grew. I was poking cervix’ and wasn’t enjoying the boney so went back to the sloppy fruit at the bottom, gelatin asses. Sure it was flat like I used to like, but just a tad bit of jiggly ass fat at the bottom, but now it wasn’t enough. I was BORED when hitting them in doggystyle. It was like I was fucking a gloryhole (hole cut in a wall). I mean, I could feel BONE crushing my pelvis when breaking these chicks off. I started becoming disgusted with it, actually, especially as these particularly flat assed women were now starting to say “I need a man with a big cock.. cluck cluck cluck..”, now that I was fully able to provide that for them, THEY BORED ME! What do you get from boning a skinny chick and you’re well equipped? NOTHING! Looks boring and not entertaining enough and unless you want to look completely dominant over tiny/flat asses, it’s not your thing! As I started to age, it felt like I was boning some 13 year old chick or something, that’s when it seriously turned me off, for good. I started seeing the black and latina chicks popping up with crazy round asses, I had to UPGRADE 1 more time!!! lol It wasn’t ME controlling the size of booty that I loved anymore, it was HIM… EL PENE taking control and dicktating what he wanted, standing out in a crowd when no one was calling his name! lol He made me rap to something like this:

thick ass in motion

and it was a wrap. I knew the size I felt at my best, and my dick game is catered to a chick with thick thighs and an applebottom to ghetto booty ass (smaller version). No longer was I giving flat assed, boney chicks root-canals with EL PENE, I found a home amongst the thick, plumper, ghetto-booty crowd… and like Right Guard used to say, in the 90s, anything less, is uncivilized! ;)

Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

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Make me BOOTIFUL… We dissect a plumper

> May 4th, 2008 ---

The Doctors at Assmatrix.com will now see your first patient who has asked for us to analyze this body and tell them why -although hundreds of men want to bone the lady in this picture, and call her ‘THICK’- we have a problem with her/others calling her ‘THICK’. Why people call ‘big’ girls ‘thick’ (since they take offense to being called ‘FAT’- I hope you knew that), is another discussion we’ll point out soon, in a following blog (make them feel good about themselves so you can score sex on low hanging fruit -shameless fellas!). Anyway, here is the body being examined:

plumper is hot, but she's not thick

The first thing I mentioned was this chick was a bit on the heft side but was gorgeous as hell, regardless. Just because someone is not THICK, that doesn’t mean that person is not SEXY! Let’s get that straight… with that being said, not everyone showing you a bunch of skin is sexy either… nor is every chick who is a BBW with huge breasts a ‘THICK WOMAN‘. First, please read up on what makes you THICK vs PLUMPER, that will help you gain understanding as to why this is NOT a thick woman. She’s a big girl, yes, but big does not mean THICK, but she’s definitely NOT ROSIE O’DONNEL’s body either! She’s a plumper, someone who must have had a banging body, or much smaller body, even might have been thick, once upon a time, but now is pudgy in areas that were once well rounded/defined. As muscle that made her THICK, is now gone and dissolved into fat, technically/logically, you can’t call that ‘THICK’ anymore! Now it’s just soft, comfortable pudge that when you see it in jeans, it LOOKS like it’s thick meat that doesn’t wiggle around with every step taken. Trust me, you see this body moving you’ll see how it’s not THICK, photos play tricks on our eyes. Still plumper chicks can be very hot too, don’t sleep! So let’s dissect why this woman in the picture is NOT THICK, but a plumper instead:

Analyze this:

Examiner at work-Camaron


Distractions:
We start with the obvious distraction, HER HUGE BREAST, AND CUTE FACE- you can’t see but I’ve other photos of her face, she’s cute. Also, she’s showing SKIN, lots of it because she’s a big girl, however she won’t show you anything in that midsection! She’s hiding it in a huge WWE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT!!! lol Shit looks like a weight lifting belt! It’s another way to get you not to think of her huge midsection as disgusting, rather you’ll say it’s quite fashionable- the metrosexual you are. lol Most are distracted with top-heaviness, but big tits have NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING THICK!! Get that into your skull. Notice the midsection. To be a thick woman, a real thick woman, there needs to be a clear distinction between where the waist/hips start and where the ass begins, then following, where the ass separates from the thighs. This midsection is just a big GUT! There is no taper that defines a sexily shaped woman! Do you see any hips? None to be found! Also, look at the butt, where does it begin? See where it connects to saggy meat under the leg? See the legs, where is the definition at? It’s all just 1 big pudge mound of a body, that happens to have big tits. NOT THICK! What would it look like if it were thick? hmmm let’s try to imagine:

BEFORE

plumper is hot, but she's not thick

AFTER (BYAAAMMMM!!!)

at the butcher shop

BIG DIFFERENCE!!! Now tell me you won’t stop avoiding being seen with her, in public, or around your boys now!!! Tell me you wouldn’t take her on dates where you go to eat at places other than the food-court at your local mall! Upgrade her to a Scottish restaurant- MCDONALDS and let her supersize, boy! See there we cut the fat off of the places that were keeping her from having form, by working miracles on her midsection and legs. The point that is proved here is that MIDSECTIONS COUNT FOR EVERYTHING when calling someone THICK. It only looks thick in jeans because it’s really big like the original picture but compacted and restricted in jeans. If her meat were at tight as it looks in jeans, you’d say it’s thick. This one’s officially a plumper, but a plumper that is going to get some good pene regardless!!!

Whats this sh*t!Damn Im bored!Does it come in a 40 oz?Where be all the haters at?Whoa momma! (2 votes, average: 3 out of 5)

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